Today has not been a great day. I had an important deadline that I barely met, people waiting on me and needing me, and a great deal of pain. It was just one of those days for me!
Since 2005, I have suffered from lower back pain. Even though I was only 27 or 28 I developed severe pain down my legs and in my lumbar region. After arguing with my doctors for a few months, I finally had an MRI done. Surprisingly (to the doctor), I had a herniated disk. At the time, I had a kindergartner and a toddler. My husband's job required him to be away most of the week, so I was on my own with two boys.
With pain medication and physical therapy, I was able to manage my symptoms. In October of 2005, my mom was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. I flew from Las Vegas to my hometown, Niceville, Florida and fell into a deep, deep depression. Here was what I had been dreading for years! It was a nightmare. For my birthday that year, my mom told me she knew this was going to kill her.
I finally pulled myself together and came back home. I came back with terrible anxiety. I was constantly worried that I would get THE CALL. For 18 months my mother endured pain and suffering that I can't even wrap my head around. I was also dealing with increasing pain and anxiety. I would go to my physical therapy sessions and I would have to leave half way through because of anxiety attacks.
Finally, at the end of May 2006 my neurosurgeon told me that I needed to go to the emergency room so I could be admitted for surgery. Because I had previously worked for my surgeon, he agreed to give me a weekend to get ready and prepare for the surgery. I can remember calling my mom, who was on hospice care, and telling her about my upcoming surgery and I will never forget how she wanted to come out and help me while I was recovering. I knew at that time that the tumors had developed in her brain.
I had my surgery on June 1st, 2006. I had an anterior-posterior spinal fusion at the age of 29. I immediately felt better! My experience was amazing, my surgeon made sure that I was well taken care of and I was healing beautifully. On June 15th, I had tried to call my mom who was living with my grandparents. She never called me back but when I finally get a call from my grandparents, it was my grandpa. He was calling to tell me it was time for me to come home. It wouldn't be much longer.
My sister and I argue (jokingly) about what day my mom went home to Jesus. It was 10 something when I got the call that she had passed away peacefully in her sleep. With the different time zones, we have different dates. I remember being so very angry at God. Why my mom? Why so little time with her? I felt robbed. I spent the next few years being very bitter.
I knew then that the time between my surgery and my mother's death was not a coincidence. I know that my mom held on for as long as she could to make sure that I was going to be okay. We spoke almost everyday after my surgery and she was lucid when we talked about how I was healing. My mom had her own back surgery when she was around 36. She knew what I was going through.
I now look upon the years I had with my mother as a blessing. I was blessed to have a mother who loved me. A mother who cared for me so much that she put her intense suffering aside to help me as much as she could from 2000 miles away.
It is easy to get caught up in the "woe is me" and "nothing goes right". Don't get me wrong, I went there and there are days that I still fall down but I just try to remember that God is bringing through this trial and there is a purpose for it. As the daughter of the one true King, I know his promises to me. I know that God is faithful to me and He does all things for His glory! I am told, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
- I was raised in Niceville, Florida. I met my husband who is also active duty military in 1997. We married and had our first son in 1998. . When I was pregnant with my first son, I gave my life to Jesus. I was not very committed to Him but I accepted Him as my savior. We moved to Las Vegas, Nevada in 2001. In 2006 we bought a home in North Las Vegas and one of my neighbors was a pastor for a church plant. My son and I began to attend fellowship dinners at their home and then we began to attend church with them. In 2010, my friend's son drowned at a party that we were at, he was 7 years old. He had an immeasurable love for God in him. We had known him since he was 3 years old. That very night I decided that his life and death would not be in vain and I finally really committed my life to the Lord. Since then, I have learned and been blessed with the opportunity to grow spiritually closer to God. I am planning on pursuing my nursing degree here in Arizona and I am looking forward to serving God as He sees fit.